Without a doubt, premature ejaculation is the single most prevalent issue confronting men’s sexual health today. The Mayo Clinic estimates that it affects as many as 1 in 3 men, and yet it’s seldom discussed in medical literature. Unlike erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation is difficult to treat medically, due to its many complex physical and psychological causes.
One of the primary causes of premature ejaculation is sexual performance anxiety. Performance anxiety affects all men at one time or another, and can severely limit the enjoyment of sex for both partners. Nervousness over personal appearance, concern about reaching or giving orgasm, and lack of confidence regarding sexual performance can cause early ejaculation and a host of other sexual problems. Many experts cite unrealistic expectations created by pornography as a cause of sexual apprehension, particularly in people with less direct sexual experience.
Anxiety releases stress hormones into the body, which triggers the sympathetic nervous system’s flight or fight response. These adrenaline hormones automatically inhibit feelings of pleasure and intimacy, reducing sexual engagement. And in men, stress hormones constrict blood flow and can limit the ability to achieve or maintain an erection.
Worse yet, it can be a self-perpetuating cycle. Even one instance of premature ejaculation can leave a man doubting his ability to please a partner and insecure about his performance. This only increases anxiety and tension for any subsequent sex act, which increases the likelihood that the sexual dysfunction will continue.
Of course, the first thing a person should do if they suffer from premature ejaculation is see a physician. It’s important to make sure that you are in otherwise good health, and that premature ejaculation isn’t a symptom of another medical condition.
But for premature ejaculation in otherwise healthy men, here are a few things you can do to alleviate sexual anxiety and have a more positive, relaxed sexual experience:
Have sex with the same partner. Being with an established partner can help relieve first-time jitters, and may make it easier to have a conversation about any concerns. Having an established relationship also helps both partners be candid about expectations and satisfaction; it’s possible that you have been worried about something that isn’t really important to her sexual gratification at all.
Take the focus off of intercourse. Have sex at times when it can be a leisurely experience, and focus on other pleasure centers. By extending the time spent on foreplay and concentrating on something other than the penis, it’s possible to relax into a more whole-body experience that takes the pressure off of the act of intercourse and the man’s performance. Furthermore, most women don’t orgasm due to vaginal penetration, and a woman who has already had one or more orgasms from your mouth or hands will be less concerned about sexual stamina during the act of intercourse itself.
Reduce other, non-sexual causes of stress in your life. Consistent exercise and good sleep habits can reduce your overall stress levels. Set aside time in your life for relaxation and simple enjoyments, and avoid caffeine and sugar. Aside from the other health benefits you’ll enjoy, reducing stress in general can help to alleviate sexual anxiety. In addition, breathing deeply during sex can calm you and increase stamina.
Cultivate some perspective. Try to approach your sex life with a little humor, and realize that depictions of sexual performance in movies and pornography are fantasies that don’t reflect most people’s actual experience. Medical studies show that most people report the highest sexual satisfaction from intercourse lasting from 3-13 minutes, and that the average is 7.3 minutes. It’s possible that what you thought was “premature” is, in fact, average. And if you and your partner are satisfied, then there really isn’t a problem.
Of course, some people practice all these tips and still suffer from premature ejaculation. Those people may benefit from a pill or a supplement that will stop premature ejaculation even in the most persistent cases. Fortunately, there are effective supplements available, and many men can find relief from the constant cycle of sexual anxiety and premature ejaculation.